Spring cleaning my head

Well, it really is that weekend around here- spring cleaning. I've just awoken from sleeping from weds evening until now (sat AM). I had some kind of allergic reaction monday, so i've basically slept the entire week away. surreal. I can't tell if it feels like saturday or monday. I do feel like i've sprung cleaned my noodle, b/c boy is it corn-fused and dazed after so much horizontal time. Thank goodness, tho, for god's good minions (doctors) who call into small rooms in the back of your local supermarket where some guy/girl in a white coat (w/ coat tails) hands over a bottle (or 12) of "magic" pills. thanks to them for allowing a human to sleep for three straight days. they are real life savers, albeit confusers of your noggin.

While on the topic of Spring Cleaning (we really are doing it this weekend- boo but YAY when it's done), I started thinking about these blue bracelets. Do you keep 'em, or remove 'em? "spring clean-'em", if you will. Well, after much thought, I think i'm gonna loose mine come April 10. That's only a week and four days by the way. Just the fact that all of you even wore them, blows me away. It's been a HUGE source of inspiration for me thru all this toughness that has been my life lately. The moral, emotional, and even physical support the band wear-age instills is really beyond words. I felt sorta strange when i realized my Dad was handing out bracelets to people with my name on them....but soon that strangeness turned to strength.. and that was a cool thing.

RATIONALE: Ok, so after so much support, why would you wanna ditch it now?! Well, I have a few thoughts on this. First of all, it's not b/c I wanna forget about the last 8 months or so- as a matter of fact, it's the complete opposite, I never wanna forget. I'm even currently (much to mom's dismay) designing some cool art for my skin that only I will see every morning to remind me what really matters in life.

It's more that looking at this blue bracelet itself reminds me of slipping it on while laying, immobilized, in lots of pain after surgery. It's reminds me of barely being able to get up to move to the bathroom, barely able to circle my block just one time. It reminds me of sick chemo drugs, IVs, doctors visits, nights of empty headed sleep b/c I am on so many drugs. It reminds me of uphill struggles, fear, anger, foggyness, upsetness and finally- rebirth. And this is why I want something new to remind me of all this- something that reminds me about the good things I learned from this that have changed who I am as a man, the stuff I focus on from here on out: to NEVER give up, to see things in others perspectives, to remember that life is NOW not, tomorrow, not yesterday; never take things for granted, to think before I speak, be kind to others/love, and to just constantly remind me that when you get a second chance at life, you just don't f' around with it.

Anyway, all of you who have worn the powerbracelet with me- I have felt your power. I wear it proudly into my last week and a half of heck, and I wear it with you. Then, come April 10, I shed my skin, begin my new life as the new, healthy, cancer-free andy. Mere still claims she's gonna wear hers, and if you so choose, then wear on! I support it 100%, but just thought I'd share my view on why mine will be absent.

OK- love to all. About to go outside for the first time in days and am actually looking forward to brewing some coffee, turning up something sweet on the hifi, opening the windows and doors and gettin to cleanin'. Anything beats sleeping at this point.