whew.

made it thru another one people. Another marathon sleeping session from thursday afternoon until saturday AM, but am now realizing that's the schedule. When it sets in, i don't wanna be awake...and, thanks to Ambiens, i can sleep from thurs until I start to feel better. I have now realized that it's OK to admit I need to just stay home and sleep those hours. At first thru all this, I could still work, I could power thru it, I felt tough. But, as time has set it in, I've slowly been worn down, and no longer can I just ignore the effects of the chemo, no longer can I just work thru the week like nothing is wrong. It really beats me down now, which is really humbling.

But, since it's only two more times left, I'm fine with it. Knowing now how bad I feel when it sets in (and it effects me different now- Now the nausea is replaced by anxiety, the aches by general upsetness. Nothing feels right, my insides feel confused, nothing works how it should) I'm pretty impressed I made it so far w/out any huge adverse effects. Now that they are setting in, I'm accepting I can't always be tough, sometimes I just have to lick my wounds and try to get better. This is a hard thing to accept as a man. You always see yourself as tough (even if you're scrawny), and it's hard to accept you are, in fact, just human. Just flesh and bones. So, hereby I embark on the path of only two more times of whatever this stuff brings me, and I'm able to stay in good spirits about it all and look forward to the fun stuff I still have in my life ( visits from the boswells and the burtches next weekend!), and just accept my shortcomings and weaknesses.

anyway, thanks to all you who support me from near and afar on a daily basis. you truly help me drag myself thru all this. Soon we'll have nothing to talk about, and guess what? I can't wait.