Unplug the Jugport

Friday is the day: removal of port from my chest (one is pictured above). It's funny after 6 months you don't even notice it anymore. Everyone has seemingly gotten so used to it we even started lovingly calling it the Jugport (goes into jugular vein). Nevertheless, I will not be sad to see it go. It's the final act to get past this whole nightmare. I'm slightly nervous about being cut open, once again (the thought invariably makes you slightly uncomfortable), even tho they say this should be the easiest procedure under the knife I've had yet. No Happy Juice, even, it's so benign. Just a local anesthetic (gimme the juice, damnit- that stuff's good!).

I will push thru the nerves and focus on the fact my robotic little friend will finally be gone, and I can once again go shirtless without freaking people out.

I do plan, however to take some photos of myself with the port still in, so I can use them as reminders to live every day to the fullest and to not take things for granted.

N'awlins

New Orleans. What a town. We had so much fun playing there for Jazz Festival this weekend. We pretty much never left the French Quarter, as our condos were all on the 900 block of Bourbon Street (we had around 24ish people in our party in 5 or 6 different condos), so we were in the thick of the action. The tourism seemed as prevalent as ever, and life in the Quarter was as I ever remembered it: bustling with all sorts of character, action, music, personality and spirit. Folks down there just know how to enjoy life- everyone was so nice. Coulda been that I just have missed that southern hospitality, who knows? Anyway, apparently the hard hit neighborhoods are still barren, with the occasional new build, and a lot of folks are still relocated, but you'd never know it where we were spending all our time. It was teeming with energy.

We were there for a bachelor/bachelorette function, so we had a great crew of people that were all in great spirits. There were old friends and a lot of new ones, too. And, best of all, I managed to make my first real pilgrimage from being a cancer patient. In over 7 months I've not gone multiple days w/out thinking about cancer, without it being a huge influencing factor over my life and my day to day thoughts. I went days down there not ever thinking about it once, and I have to admit- I sure missed living w/out that hanging over my head. I didn't realize how nice it would feel, but it just did. Just getting away and being so distracted was absolutely heavenly, and has me itching for more travel and good times
Oh, and we bagged the diet for a few days and ate fried seafood galore and biegnets (sp?) and all sorts of southern gulf coast specialties (i.e. 'PO BOYS!). gut busting scrumptiousness.

Clean!

PET scan results are in: I'm clean. I figured I would be, but it's still quite relieving to hear the news.

Now, it's on to New Orleans tomorrow to do some celebrating! Pics to follow.

funny logo

so, I normally keep the design/advertising talk to the Sukle blog, but i thought this one was universally humorous, so I thought I'd share. It's the new logo for the UK Office of Governmental Commerce. Regularly, it reads like "OGC". Turn it sideways, and, well, you can see if you see what it looks like. Make-a-me-laugh.

Soon to be portless

I just returned from my post chemo PET scan. I had one before chemo, which was clean, so I wasn't too apprehensive about this one. After 6 months of chemotherapy, I'm pretty much guessing it'll be another clean scan, which will then authorize me to have this damn port removed from my chest; something which I'm VERY excited about.

I'll have these scans every 6 months for 3 years, using this one as a 'baseline' to compare them to, and then once a year for the next two years. They pretty much stink, but are something I just have to do.

Hoping for great results from this one!

Green Apple Festival

Denver, which is a very 'liberal' city, partook in earth day thinking by being a part of the Green Apple festival this weekend. It took place in numerous big cities across the US , with numerous acts at each. We saw Jackie Green, the Hayday, Rose Hill Drive, The Duo and The Neville Brothers. It was a glorious day, weather-wise, and we had a ball biking up there with a bunch of pals and then lounging all day in the sun. We had a good group of 20+ folks, so it was a really fun time. Met new friends, saw quality old ones and got to celebrate a little, which rocked. What a weekend.

9 slab friday

Sukle had a small celebration of sorts yesterday to comemorate no more chemo. Seeing as how I haven't had BBQ in ages (not on the new diet), it was a special treat to mow ribs with my coworkers. My man Matt from work grilled up 9 slabs and we all set our eat-meters to "gorge" setting. It was heavenly. Thanks to Sukle for a great time (we had a keg of Breck beer and it was a fantastic day out).

Our idea for next time we grill ribs (we like to do BBQs at work on fridays occasionally thru the summer) is that everyone wears one of those cheap paper suits you get at Home Depot and no one gets napkins. You just wipe your rib hands on your paper suit instead. The end result will make hilarious group shots w/ rib carnage wiped all up and down everyone's suits. It's gonna be funny.

Great news

I learned that if you have colon cancer, and you make it to 5 years cancer free, you pretty much are home free. There is the occasional case of it coming back after 6 or 7 years, but more or less, if you make the 5'er, you pretty much won't get it again. The % of recurrence goes WAY down, almost to non-existence. So, just gotta make it 5 years, which I know I can do.

How I didn't know this info until just now is beyond me.

apparently it used to be ok.

This is a (very old) tax stamp for 'retail' dealers of opium, cocaine and other related products. Nuts, huh? Guess being a drug dealer used to actually be an 'above the table' career back in the day (looks like '52 on the stamp). This was def before Scarface's time.

As I sat outside my dermo appt today (I was early) I was ironicly parked RIGHT outside the chemo office, watching the nurses thru the window preparing for their day of caring for people. I had this realization that those people, like teachers, deserve to make tons of money. Man, they care for so many people, like they were members of their own family. It's a hard, thankless job, and I respect them so much. I know I couldn't do it, but thank God they were there for me thru this whole thing. I watched all the bald folks all shuffling thru the front doors of the building, doing the chemo march, knowing what dread they felt, and felt the most huge sense of relief I've felt in ages. I almost felt guilty to feel so good and happy about not going back there....I feel for those poor souls.

On another, happier, note, after that Dr. appt, I went home, parked the truck, got on the bike and rode across town to work. Ahhhh, bike season and the first ride to work (our bike parking lot pictured above). How sweet it is. Riding thru downtown Denver in the AM is quite the rush. The important folks in suits scurrying around, kinetic energy vibrating, everyone prepping for the day ahead. And what a day it is. Supposed to be 78 here today. Niceness. Anyway, the broken shell of myself I once felt seems to already be congealing back to a nice whole, and it feels great to get out and sweat a little before work. Healthy days to come! Had to tackle the only hill in Denver to get here (work in the "highlands") and cannot wait to bomb it on the way home.

Public Apology

Just wanna say sorry to those I've not returned phone calls to. I've let my phone courtesies get way outta wack. I haven't checked my messages in over three weeks until today. Talk about irresponsible phone skills. Anyway, things, as you well know, have been kinda nuts for me lately, but I just finally checked the messages today, and happy to be back on track.

Hopefully I'll get better in this category.

Rock Anthem

I have been rocking this today- an anthem of sorts: Click this to link to sendspace. You'll click a link and download a .zip of the Raconteurs new album (Jack White of White Stripes side band), Consolers of the Lonely. You'll have to add it into itunes or something of the like to listen to it after you download it. Holy crap does it rock. And today, I feel like rocking.

I don't think it's even hit me yet.

I just awoke from my chemo coma that I've lately been having after each session, only to realize that WAS IT. no more, no way, no how. I FINISHED IT. Wow, after fixating on a day like today for 6 months, it's strange when it finally occurs. I'm still feeling a little chemo-y around the edges, but it's onwards and upwards from here...nothing but net.

I've officially moved on, and this is good stuff. There's so much I can't wait to do, I'm just so excited to do all the things normal people do that I've missed for a half year. Exercise, work, play, all of it. And I can't believe it's finally here.

To all those who followed along, prayed, thought out loud or just plain laughed at my horrible sense of humor: Thank you. I know i've said it a million times, but you are my motivation, my fire, if you will. As a human, when you know you have so many people pulling for you, you just can't let them down. It's a really cool thing, and I'm proud to have been a part of it. I will never forget it, in fact.

As for today, I dont know what i'll do. I just know it's the first day of the rest of my life. And it feels good.

The docs say at two weeks i'll think I feel good- like I have been right before I go back into get sizzled (or should i say when I WENT). Apparently at a month I'll be feeling like I'm walking on clouds, feeling better than I even remembered I could. **This excites me**

OK- here we go. I shake the dust off my 3 day sleeping bender and step back onto the freeway of life. I'm super excited to see where it takes me, and have learned to just let it take you where it does. Struggling against it does you no good.

So, realax people, and enjoy this fine ride of life.

Why yes, my dear, I do believe we are finally there!

It is official. Andy has finished chemo! I had no idea how much emotion this day and this event would stir up inside of me. I almost went on to work this morning (I usually don't go with him for his quickie unplug session on Thursday). . . but I just couldn't do it. I felt like I really needed/wanted to be the cheerleader on the side line, to be there to see them unplug him for the last time. The LAST TIME. It was a monumental event-everyone was emotional, laughing and crying and hugging and woo-hooing! It was just awesome, all the other docs and nurses there celebrating his accomplishment with us. Thank God for those people. They have really taken us under their wing these past 6 months-they truly care about Andy and our family and all of our hopes and dreams. Not to mention they all think that Andy is the best patient ever and is doing all of this so right.

Andy gave Doctor Fisher and all of the nurses that we've come to know so well a 'GIVE LOVE' poster that he made. Very fitting, as they have given us so much love. You all have. (More crying, geez I can't stop today).

ARE WE THERE YET? Why yes, my dear, I do believe we are finally there! We are certainly somewhere significant, much much much farther down this road. And from what I can see, as soon as you wake from this last chemo-coma-funk, there's nothing but clear skies ahead. Yes!

Lets do this.

Leaving work now to head into the beginning of the end of all of this. So happy it's finally here. The last time to go thru this routine. I am actually giddy about going in and getting chemo this time b/c I know it's the end. I don't even mind it'll make me feel bad b/c I'm just so darn happy it's the last one.

What would NPH do?

So, this site is pretty funny. If you liked NPH in Doogie Houser MD, then maybe you loved him in Harold & Kumar go to White Castle. Maybe not. You were prob stoned if you liked it.

Regardless, there's new Harold & Kumar movie (looks terrible) coming out, so the cult hero that he is, NPH has a new site that you can ask him ?s and get responses. It's somewhat stupid but also somewhat funny. The best part is that the site is called "what would NPH do?". funny.

Last Units into my body

Ok, here we go, last time riding the lightning. I'm super excited to be entering the final stretch- starting to feel some odd tingly/nerve damage stuff that is frequently permanent in people who get my treatment- so am really glad only one more time zapping myself. Hoping this stuff goes away with time- but is possible it's permanent. Not super hugely excited about this notion, but realizing living w/ a little bit of numbness in your hands and feet is much, much, much better than not living at all. So, I'm hoping for the best but satisfied with however this pans out.

I have no idea how long chemo drugs take to leave your system, but I'm pretty sure it's more than the week and a half break I'm getting between treatments now. I'm very interested to see how I start to feel after the two week mark on this last one- see if I feel a difference.

Regardless, I'm pretty excited to return to a normal life schedule, including some regular exercise. My body is feeling quite atrophied, after close to 8 months of basic inactiveness. I am proud to say, tho, that I managed to attain about 9 or 10 days of snowboarding this season, to which I'm sure is a lot of days for a chemo patient. Was nice to still be able to do that, even tho it was a little less comfy than other years riding. I was supposed to ride today, but have managed to pick up a cold, so am taking it easy and am missing my last day of the winter (season ends next weekend). Mere's making turns for me today, tho- and gonna enjoy seeing Susan Tedeschi and Dumpstafunk at the foot of slopes afterwards, too.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who read along, supported me, wore my bracelet, sent me love, sent me things in the mail, or just plain thought about me this last 8 months. Thank you. I felt each and every one of you out there, pulling for me, helping me get thru this last half year. It's be a long, long 8 months for me, and I could not have endured all this without knowing what a great team of peolple were pulling me along the path. Your support pushed me thru the tough times, got me to where are I am today: I cancer survivor, about to begin the rest of my life. I step thru a doorway this next week, and move onto a whole new phase, and I'm glad to have you all a part of my life.

I have no idea about this blog....it started to just tell people about my status in surgery and recovery and just turned into my own personal journal of a cancer treatment patient and has been really theraputic for me. Feels good to just talk about all this stuff, I needed to get it all out and not keep it all inside. So, this thing just became my place to vent and such... and I'm not sure about it's future. Part of me thinks I always talk just to hear myself and that I could keep posting stuff, strange or interesting things I see on the net, etc....the other part wonders if I was just motivated to do this b/c I had so much suddenly inside myself and needed to get it out. Wondered "does it just end w/ the chemo?". I have no answer at this point....I will have to feel it out and see how it goes. It might be fun for me to just keep posting interesting things I find as a fun hobby. We'll see how it goes.

Loving a TV shoot.

Am currently in Wyoming shooting some TV spots for work, having a lot of fun and learning a lot. TV shoots are crazy busy w/ a ton of crew working all over the place....kinda stressful yet really fun. Our first location was in a jail in Weld county, CO (ads are for WY dept of health, but this location was so rad we shot in CO). Been really interesting being in a jail....I've always wondered what it was like in here, and I'll post you some pics real soon. very surreal. Very glad I'm not a convict-type.

"I like spring weather, snarf, snarf:"

Side effector

So, everyone knows chemo has side effects. Lot's of 'em. And side effects to treat side effects. It's a vicious cycle. Part of the deal, really.

Anyway, I was just sitting here thinking of how exciting it will be for them to go away. After 6 months, you hardly notice tingly hands and feet (good thing b/c they say some of that will remain forever. oh, well) or that you never consume anything cold anymore. You do, however, still notice your own scalp in the mirror, the lack of eyelashes, the port under my skin on my chest, the rash/acne all over my forehead, the dry patches of skin on my hands, etc; and, even tho cosmetic, thats the stuff you see when you look at yourself. It really reminds you of what you're going thru on a very surface and narcissistic level, and is the most exciting part to get rid of. Gave myself my last buzz last night, and have no idea how long until folical activity once again resumes, but the notion of it all is just so exciting. Cannot wait for hair again....thinking of growing it into some pompadour mullet something just to be extravagant with it again. maybe the hippy butt cutt again. frosted tips? perm in the back? anything is better than the chemo sizzle look.