The ups n' downs

Well, everyone told me there'd be ups and downs througout this process, and they were right. I've been doing so well as of late that I thought I'd take my first solo trek today. Thought I'd head down to the mall (first time driving my truck in weeks) and get a new cover for my new ipod nano (thx, dad!), and, while there, would do my AM walk there, much like the soccer moms who go to the mall to walk. I made a lap and a half around the mall, up my first set of stairs then back to the Apple store. Shopped a bit (found no cool case but LOVE that iphone) and then headed to the jewelry store on my way out to get my watchband shortened. Anyway, point is, I got the cold sweats in the jewelry shop, felt all woozy again. Got the watch fixed, came home and walked in to mere: "honey, you look PALE". well, I guess maybe I tried to do too much, but you know I'm all about pushing myself to get back to good shape. I'm basically off all the meds, so I guess my body was just telling me it had gotten to it's limit, so go lay down and nap(which i did when i got home). Anyway, today was discouraging for me, not because it was hard for me to do a simple thing like drive to the mall and walk around a little, but because the doctors were seemingly right when they told me it'd be a month, more or less, until I had the "wind back in my sails". I thought "pffft. right. a MONTH. no way, i'll be jamming in a few weeks". Not the case, I guess. The pain is going away, and will be gone soon, but I can tell it's gonna be a long few weeks just back to health, before i beat myself down again with chemo.