They tell you when you're a kid that you'll have at least one friend who is gay, one friend who will get cancer and that you will know someone who commits suicide. Unfortunately, as of today, the last of those statements has come true for me. This isn't my first friend to pass, but the first that's taken his or her own life, and I have to admit it has created so many opposing emotions inside my head and heart.
First off, I feel for Kevin. Outwardly so social and easygoing, he just seemed like he had it all figured out. To me, he was so successful and smart and someone I really looked up to. But, obviously, there was a lot of pain and anguish inside there that I just never picked up on. I knew he was having hard times, but nothing like this. Of course, I truly believe that to become suicidal you must just be experiencing epic amounts of pain and dispair inside. It stings me to think of any of my friends living with such hurt.
Then, I cycle the other feelings: how could a good god let this happen, why didn't he call someone and just talk about it, what could I have done, did he say something this weekend I should have picked up on, and how could you give up a life willingly (after all, I've been fighting like mad to keep mine this last year)?
Ugh, it all just feels bad when I think about it. One thing I know for sure is that Kevin Haythe was one quality guy and I'm a better man for having known him. He will truly be missed and never forgotten *pounds fist to chest and points to sky*. I will remember him for his good nature and friendliness, not for his final and most upsetting act.
Life is so damn crazy, you just never know what will come up next. This was sure a shocker and a really saddening turn. But, as I've learned, you grit your teeth, endure the heartache and try to move forward, keeping a hopeful attitude that maybe, just maybe, this all plays into some master plan that I'm not in charge of, but am very much a part of.
Good bye, Kevin, good bye, friend.
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13 comments:
Your post about Kevin is heartwarming and reflects a lot of emotion that many of us who cared for him are experiencing. I knew he was going through a difficult time, but never had any idea of the depths of his pain. I know so many of us would have dropped everything to be with him and help him in any way we could. At this point I am hoping that he is resting peacefully and that we can all move on, remembering him for the kind, bright, fun, and generous person that he was.
Best to you and yours.
-Erin
I am a friend of Kevin's from college and we were housemates for a year in one of the most decrepit pits you can possibly imagine. Spending time with with Kevin was always intense. Memories of those times are some of the most vivid of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It is incredibly sad to think of someone so full of life taking his own.
Good bye Kevin. You are and will be celebrated, mourned and missed.
-Todd
I met Kevin less than a month ago and was struck by his outgoing and trusting personality. I saw his picture and obit in the Boulder newspaper today and feel the need to comment. The 10-15 minutes we talked gave me a glimpse of a person I would have liked to have known better. My thoughts are with all of you who were close to him, and also with his soul. I do believe he was a very special person.......
I am also a friend of Kevin's from the crazy college days. Somehow it all seems like yesterday. I lost touch with Kevin a few years ago but it hasn't lessened the absolute shock and sadness I'm feeling.
I was just telling my wife about Kevin, Luke, Jay, Bond, Coco and some of the crazy-fun times at his place with Todd and Luke. Bond was just in Boulder two weeks ago but sadly never knew Kevin was there.
When I read the posts here, I can tell you all knew the same Kevin that I knew. The man will be missed.
Delano
I just learned the news yesterday. Kevin and I were roommates in high school. He was such a fun, happy person and full of mischief. It's very hard to square that memory with the complete shock and sadness of the news. But I will remember him for how he lived.
Rest in peace Kevin, and my sincere condolences to those of you who were especially close to him.
We lost a teammate, a Friend, and an ambassador to ultimate and life
recently with Kevin Haythe's passing. He was someone I drafted, for I have
known him since I was 15 and he helped teach me the game in Durango many
years ago. I was excited to see his name and knew the team I was on would
be a better one for many reasons with him on it. He, along with Dan Steuer
(who played with Kevin and I in Durango) were going to
relive some youth on the fields this summer. I got to spend some time with
Kevin again at the start of the season, and for that I am eternally
grateful. My life, and who I am are better for Kevin being in it. He truly
had an infectious smile, and was one of the first faces I saw at league and
one of the only ones I knew.
I miss him dearly already and know all those that knew him do as well.
We lost a teammate, a Friend, and an ambassador to ultimate and life
recently with Kevin Haythe's passing. He was someone I drafted, for I have
known him since I was 15 and he helped teach me the game in Durango many
years ago. I was excited to see his name and knew the team I was on would
be a better one for many reasons with him on it. He, along with Dan Steuer
(who played with Kevin and I in Durango) were going to
relive some youth on the fields this summer. I got to spend some time with
Kevin again at the start of the season, and for that I am eternally
grateful. My life, and who I am are better for Kevin being in it. He truly
had an infectious smile, and was one of the first faces I saw at league and
one of the only ones I knew.
I miss him dearly already and know all those that knew him do as well.
Kevin and I were best friends in high school. He was a friend to me during a time that I sometimes had hoped to forget. When I read of his passing my heart simply sank. I can only imagine all the great things he did in life, and reading his obit is a testament to the man he was. I am sorry to have lost touch with him. I would have loved to share our lives and what has passed in them one last time.
My condolences to his friends and family.
Kevin and I were best friends in high school. He was a friend to me during a time that I sometimes had hoped to forget. When I read of his passing my heart simply sank. I can only imagine all the great things he did in life, and reading his obit is a testament to the man he was. I am sorry to have lost touch with him. I would have loved to share our lives and what has passed in them one last time.
My condolences to his friends and family.
It's weird - I still have moments where I think of Kevin. Some of the passing moments come to me at obvious times - I'm driving into Boulder, I pass the cafe I last saw him at for breakfast, BUT SOMETIMES it's a moment like this - where his name just pops into my head and I miss him.....
I've found myself looking for bits of him online (his blogs, his myspace and facebook pages, his professional resumes).
Found Andy's blog first when I felt like typing in his name this afternoon and wanted to say how much I still miss Kevin!
I'm sorry this entry is so late; I am not the best about online communication (still not on facebook) but my mind may change after today. Just last weekend an old college friend and I were talking about people who influenced us yet we didn't keep up with (he was trying to sell me on facebook as well)and I mentioned Kevin. So today, bored at work I googled Kevin (it was strange because I never do that) and I just now learned of the tragic news. My hear sank- Kevin was the first guy I met in college (he was the "cool" RA. that helped me move my stuff in my dorm room). He was one of the most affable, witty, popular guys at college. I never met someone who could make everybody in the room feel like a friend, I mean everybody. He didn't run in any certain circles; he wanted everybody included. I'll never forget how he would use a workers first name when ordering. For example at McDonald's he would say, "thank you Misty for the fries and quarter pounder and have a good day". I still to this day copy that from him. If I had to name a top ten favorite people Kevin would be at the top and we weren't even the best of friends. He really was a sweet guy and I my heart aches to hear of his death. So the lesson I'm taking from this is to keep up with your friends, weather its on a computer, phone, conk shell or smoke signal, because you never know when you may or may not get to see them again. I'm sorry I'm finding out so late and my thoughts and prayers go out to Kevin's family. He was a special guy whom I will never forget.
Kevin Greene
I came across this blog posting a few days ago and was absolutely stunned, actually there are no words for what I felt. Kevin and I dated in early 2008 and were a bit on-and-off until May. We had an amicable break-up, but it lead to us losing touch afterwards. I recently was wondering how he was doing and tried to find him on Facebook, then Google when I came across this blog, and then subsequently his obituary in the Daily Camera. I had no idea he was going through so much anguish personally. I knew Billy was sick and that he was trying to juggle his job and get his networking web site going. But, wow, I just had no idea. Kevin was truly one of the great men in my life. Our timing was always off, which I always felt was unfortunately because I so adored and cared for him. Whenever I’d see him it was like coming home and the feelings I had when I was with him were absolutely euphoric. He was so incredibly kind, considerate, sensitive, thoughtful, and loving. I will miss him forever and cherish his memory. My sincere sympathies to those who knew him best, his family and friends. Kevin will always be a part of my heart, as I’m sure this is true for all of you.
My truest condolences to his family and friends.
-Jocelyn
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