Lance-a-lot

So, I just finished reading Lance Armstrong's "It's not about the bike" book. Firstly, I have to say I've always been a "bike guy", so I've always sorta foll0wed cycling and was framiliar w/ Lance before all the cancer stuff. I know there's been some recent Lance backlash w/ his divorcing his wife and apparently being a "dick" to Sheryl Crow (dumb move- she's hot), but I gotta say I really have a lot of respect for that guy. He was given a really slim chance of living, and he not only beat that, but came back to just dominate cycling. He really embodies that thought all cancer survivors have: If you get a second chance at life, you better give it all you got.

It was really nice to read his book and realize he had all the same thoughts and emotions I did going thru the shock of being diagnosed and immediately thinking "oh, god- I"m gonna die", thru the fear, anger, confusion, and dispair right up to the pivotal point where you realize you have two choices: fight like hell or give up. Then, like me, as he struggled thru his treatments, he started really noticing the good stuff this experience gives you. And man, when i say struggled, that poor guy had the most severe of chemo (they gave him a 40% chance to live to his face, but later admitted they were thinking more like 3%) where he was puking and in the fetal position for weeks on end. Makes my treatments seem like cake. Anyway, he got thru brain surgery, testicular surgery, chemo, recovery and went on to be a legend in what he does. A great inspiration for all the cancer community at large.

And, it was really cool for me to realize that the positive stuff I'm getting out of all this is somewhat universal to cancer patients. Lance says when he first got diagnosed a fan emailed him to say he was also a cancer suvivor and that 'we're the lucky ones'. Of course Lance thought the guy was crazy at first, but as he went on, he realized cancer is what made him what he is today- and that he WAS lucky. Even if his life ended prematurely, he was able to appreciate life so much more while he was alive that it was a gift. I agree wholeheartedly- even if i were to die tomorrow, the last few months I've felt myself able to be a more compassionate, complete, better and more appreciative man, and therefor have never felt so alive in my whole life. I wouldnt trade this feeling for the world, and know now that I was supposed to go thru all this to be able to appreciate the moments in life I once thought were just commonplace and not worth savoring and taking note of. Nothing could have changed my perspective (I am bullheaded and you could have talked until you were blue in the face and I would not have changed) like this but to be diagnosed with Cancer and be forced into a staring contest with death. Analyzing your mortality really opens your head up, and grappling with a soul paralyzing fear dealing with such a huge mystery (whether you'll be ok, whether it comes back, whether you beat it, whether you live or die) really changes a man. Impossible for it not to. I will forever be a different person, and hope I never forget what I've learned.