hello chemo-sabe

Ok, so I realize this Joe Chemo ad is sorta tasteless, but seeing as how friday was mere's one year smoke-free (booya!), I thought it made sense. If you haven't quit, do it. Believe me, you do NOT want cancer.

So, my preaching now done, I'll move on: YAY! it's chemo time! I say that in a sarcastic tone, yet partially am glad it's really time. Like that 5 days between the diagnosis and my surgery, it's hard knowing what's ahead and then having so much time to just sit around and think about it. It's much easier to hear what you have to do and then immediately do it w/out having too much time to analyze how much potential suckage exsists in your future.

I've now been thoroughly prepared as to what to expect via docs, internet, Townzen, etc. I know there will be good days and bad ones, and side effects galore: they're not sure on this, but maybe/hopefully no hair loss; tingling in hands and feet: a.k.a. neuropothy; sores in mouth; nausea; possible sterility; sensitivity to cold (apparently only like room temp drinks, hate cold door nobs, fridges, etc); and maybe some more stuff I'm forgetting. It's not surprising there's so many side effects, tho- I mean if you think about it, the chemicals are intended to wear down and kill resistant cells (cancer) in your body, so along the way there will prob be some killing of good cells, too, as well as other things inside you. Hell, even the drugs to treat the side effects have side effects. The nausea drugs give you headaches and insomnia. So now I have ambien and even stronger anti-nausea drugs. Drugs for drugs....it's genius. No wonder pharma salespeople make bank.

So, there's harsh chemicals pumped thru you every two weeks for three days (tuesday-thursday) and I'm not expecting it to be fun. My treatment plan is called FOLFOX and is a combination of three main drugs: FU5, Lukovrin and oxiliplatin. I most likely just butchered those names, but what do you expect, I work in advertising, not medicine. Who thinks up these drug names, anyway? I'd love that job: 'uhh, yeah, we'll call this stuff "franktavin." Make the logo a stick man hurdling a hospital bed, please.

I've really taken advantage of my 'eat whatever you can' diet as of late, seeing as how I will move onto birdseed and twigs and berries as of tuesday. Well, it's not THAT bad, but I will be going back to my pre-cancer healthy routine, only prob twice as healthy. It's all good, though, I'm frankly getting sick of eating only craptacular fare. I've managed to pack on around 8 or 9 lbs since surgery (a lot for my skinny ass) and am feeling muey peppy and completely back to my old self. I may lose a few of those lbs during the chemo, as i may be on the bulemics diet (barfing), so I've given in and my annual jean acquisition (which usually occurs now) has resulted and buying a size down from normal. On sex and the city (mere makes me watch) they call them their 'skinny jeans'. I'm calling them my 'cancer pants'.

well, in conclusion, I'm feeling really great and am pumped up to get this final leg in the immediate treatment plan underway. I had a great visit w/ India this weekend, and now Dad is here to be moral support for the first sizzle session on tuesday. I'm feeling strong, determined, optimistic, and really really blessed you're all on my team. love to you all.

xoxoxoxo.