Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson or talk like him

Monk-e mail

so i know some of you have prob seen this, and some of you just love monkeys (mark berger), so i thought i'd share. We work with these guys in NY who do these talking avatars online (means talking character, basically). We don't do much w/ 'em b/c it's WAY expensive, but he showed this one to us the other day when he was in and it was funny to me. It's been around for a few years but I forgot about it- you can make the monkey say whatever you want and look how you want and email to people.

If this is old news, just ignore this post.

big ups

to Rob Helmstetter for our current header. He's a huge part of our Table2press crew, and a good friend. Werd to him and his design prowess.

Guest headers welcome.

How you spent t'giving weekend at my house:

Most turkulent

Thanksgiving was a success. We had a blast with a great crew of folks.

It's funny, but the more we all discussed Thanksgiving, and our wonderful company, we sort of came to the conclusion that maybe T'giving really is the best holiday. It's def a sleeper for me, but the older I get the more I realize the value of a great meal and some stellar people to share it with. I mean think about it- Xmas gets all the hype, but is always much more stressful, what with the buying of gifts, visits, parties, etc, etc. Thanking day is nothing more than hanging with folks you love and celebrating the finer things in life: each other and our fortunate situations to have massive feasts of delicacies. The food selection is almost redonkulous. Not too often you have a three way duel on top sweet potato dish, is it? Our dessert stash alone was impressive. I was fortunately real hungry and able to mow some of everything....going way deep and hitting multi-dessert sessions to round out the primo meal.

T'giving gets my vote. We had a HUGE spread and the turkulescense meter was pegged on 'lots'. The brine turk seemed moister- but it wasn't a whole ton diff than a nicely cooked bird, so as I could tell. Regardless, it was real good. Everything was. We sure missed our family traditions for this one, but really enjoyed the mellow-ness of it all, and found ourselves nicely surprised with our 'friend-giving'.

Also nice to finally turn the corner: realize life is about enjoying the moment and Turkleday is really just that. Enjoy it, people, it's what it's all about. Give whoever is next to you a hug.

lil' ol' 12 oz roll o' sausage

Ok, so I have nothing against Jimmy Dean sausage, I swear. It prob seems that way w/ my post of the sausagecake on a the stick thingie, and now this. But to be honest, I'm quite the fan of all forms of sausage-- even tho I'm not privy to frequent consumption ,due to my new recommended diet, and sometimes lack of appetite. I haven't consumed much JD sausage, but duder on this recording REALLY likes the stuff. I believe he refers to it as 'tasty', even more so than his sausage he has made (from roadkill, no doubt). I'm not sure why this makes me laugh so much, but it's a funny customer service recording message- the end is the funniest part. "fuck, i wanna eat, godammit"

UN-plug

So, officially unplugged. Session 2- doneski. 1/6 of the way there. Next time 1/4. then 1/3.
I know that using fractions to make myself feel like I'm making progress is rudimentary, but it helps.
I've never looked so forward to finishing something in my life.

HOLIDAY!

So, we're supposed to get our first 'real' snow tonight (had small flurry in mid oct). Even tho it's gonna be really cold for a while now, and maybe winter's finally showed up, we're super excited for the first snow coordinating with Thanksgiving. We'll be sad to not be with our families, but a nice, mellow, snow-covered holiday is just what the dr. ordered. We can't wait to just chill inside and relax for 4 days. Even tho i'm feeling a little torked from the chemo, i think this t'giving/break is gonna be really fun, and I"m looking forward to starting to feel better after they unplug me tomorrow. It took a couple days last time, but hoping for quicker this time so I'm able to just MOW on turkey day.

Hope everyone has a great holiday! Enjoy.

one more:

mere just showed me a link to some shots from her model show deal, and I loved this one head shot of her, so I thought i'd share. She looks diff w/ the faux short hair, doesn''t she? Beautiful.

xmas

got our tix today- flying home on dec 24th and back on 3rd. Work gave me the ok to stay for the event on the 2nd, and chemo rearranged to make it happen, too. so, we're looking forward to visiting and seeing all you back east.

Today's quote

My family pooled together some cool quotes and inspirational tidbits and had my Auntie Anne (fellow graphic designer) lay out a "chemo calender" for me. I basically flip a page every day of treatment, kinda like an advent calender. I really liked today's quote:

"Courage is not the lack of fear, It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

Give it to me, 2 times.

Got sesh numero dos underway today. Still feeling a-ok at this second, but remember it set on around 10pm tonight last treatment. After asking around, seems that the side effects (i.e. nausea) typically wear off like they did last week, so that I can expect to feel good on off weeks (SNOWBOARDING!!). Apparently you bounce back slower and slower, but last week i was rocking by about 2 days after they unplugged me.

Gotta say, the week off is really the ticket. Seemed like so long since I was in there, and it gives you time to get your head wrapped around going back in there to feel crappy again. At the end of last treatment I was wondering how the hell I'd make it thru 6 months of this bullshit (feeling pretty discouraged), but after a week recharging, and having a reg life schedule and engery, I know I can handle this again. It ain't gonna be fun, but I can totally do this. I'm actually in some ways into it- need these drugs to kill those cancer cells (pictured), even if it's killing some good 'uns while it's all up in there.

Mere and I got to meet a woman there today, too, who was on her last treament of the FOLFOX. She, too, had the same cancer (and surgeon), and was finishing her 6 months today. She was really encouraging and made us feel like we can bust thru this....made it feel like it goes by quicker than you'd think. The only bad we took away from our meeting with her was her hair was really thinned out. Like a newborns hair, kinda, where you can see the scalp thru the hair. Anyway, mine seems to not have fallen out much, if any, so far, and we're crossing our fingers it hangs around. If not, I've got clippers in the b'room just begging to be busted out.

BZZZZZZZZZZ.

Flick off cancer.

Have just learned that there is a benefit concert/silent auction for flicking off my/any cancer back in ATL this xmas holidays. The date seems to now be Jan 2nd at Smith's Olde Bar on Piedmont. Andy Dorsett has been keeping me in the loop, and seemingly spearheading this event with a bunch of other folks. He's described it as a benefit for me- but I see it as a benefit to beat cancer. Either way, he and everyone working on it are true friends for doing this (not that I needed this to know that).

I don't have all the details yet, nor am I even sure Mere and I can be there for it, but thought I'd maybe mention it. I will update w/ better info when I get it, but for now I know there's supposed to be some kind of silent auction, Entropy is supposed to play, and I think either Dubconscious or one of Adrian's side bands if not Dubconscious. I"m sure you all remember Entropy from our wedding (they bring the funk) and prob already know Dubc (rocking reggae). Click the links and check them out if you dont. They are not only great musicians, but wonderful people and great friends. And yes, I'm a bit biased.

Regardless of how it pans out, I'm really touched that people would want to do something so sweet for me, and can't say how much it means to me. Just the thought of it is what means the most. We're doing our damnedest over here to adjust chemo and work schedules so we can be home for that event. If nothing else, would love to just see everyone. No matter what, we're back in ATL for a week or so at some point in the holidays- hope it coordinates w/ this night, and REALLY hope to see everyone for a real hug in person over the holidays. I MISS YOU ALL A TON (those of you back east)

briningtime

So, this year Mere and I are really excited to have a mellow t'giving holiday around Denver. We're usually back in ATL or up in PA at my uncle curly's place, so this will be a change for us. But, seeing as how we've had such a hectic last few months and seen a bunch of family in that time, we're actually looking forward to a 4 day weekend and NOT going anywhere. We're eating at Ryan's house and there should be around 10-12 folks there, everyone bringing a few things to add up to one HUGE feast.

That leads me to the bird: it's also HUGE. 22lbs of goodness. And, we've been hearing some tidbits about how soaking a bird in brine really adds to the moisture (no one likes dry turkey) and adds flavor. Here's an article supporting brine activity.

So, after some pow-wowing w/ Ryan and Sully, we've decided to go for it. think it soaks for up to 8 hrs.

Will let you know how the brine works- very curious. Hoping for a moist, succulent poultry session on thursday.

I"m betting on the Hersh.

I was reading one my fav sports site, deadspin.com (it's pretty funny), and came across an article disucssing Spurrier mouthing off, upset about the Dawgs TD dance in FLA- sweetness, by the way. Hershel got all fired up and basically challenges Ballcoach to a dukefest. For real. This may be old news back south...but new to me in colorado. No doublt Stevie'd be working a few black eyes, a few less teeth and as sore crotchal region after that fiasco.

The article is funny, comments below, too. Check it out.

Go dawgs.

New Fangled Corn dogs

I find this hilarious. While, admittedly, a fan of both the sweet/salt combo and a once-lover of corn dogs, this product is nuts. I sausage link on a stick covered in choc chip pancakes.
Eating one is like being touched by the almighty, you will see light. I've heard parents forcing thier kids to eat them can be arrested for child abuse. Warning: causes 10yr olds w/ pacemakers.
Wouldn't you just love to have seen the meetings and focus groups when they decided this was a good product to make?

Hot models

There was actually a real photographer there, so I didn't shoot any shots myself, but I got this one via Mere. I guess the photog guy will get us some shots sometime soon, but for now thought I"d show this off. I'm sure the runway ones will be even better. Here's she's back into her regular clothes after the show- She was modeling for Maria Inez clothing, a clothing designer from Boulder. Our friend Kelly works for her, and the clothes seemed cool, for what i know of ladies attire. See for yourself.

They had her hair all tucked up short looking, and she came out, did a stop/pose, then another, then satarted walking down the runway and THEN I realized it was her. Honestly didn't even recognize her for a good few seconds. Was a seemingly common response amongst the few dudes I knew there....amazing how diff those model makeovers can make someone look! She's always hot, but she looked a totally diff lady sunday night.

Two Time Kelp Licker

According to the "original gangsta" name creator, this is my gangster name. Mere is "chewy the forty sipppa". nice.

See what your name would be here.

weekend hits!

Feeling good, looking up. Seems the nasty feeling goes away by the weekend after the treatment, or it did this week at least. Dawgs whupped, sun was shining (65 and sunny today!), pooches visited parks, coffee shops were inhabited, video games dominated, found kegs came to visit (long story, but ryan found a half pony keg in front of his house iced down, so he brought it to the UGA game and we each got a coupla free beers), bikes were ridden, visited w/ Al Fine, both healthy and gluttonous-diet-bending foods consumed......overall a great time. I'm on my way to boulder tonight so see mrs. mere in a fashion show, too! Obviously, she'll look beautiful, but i'll do my best to snap some shots to show off- pending her approval, of course. Only dog house I'm wanting in this weekend is the DAWG house. god, sorry, that was terrible.

1 down, 11 to go.

Whew. Glad to have that thing off me. I am so, so glad to be done with one treatment, but am realizing this is gonna be hard. This stuff makes you feel pretty crappy. It's 'suppressing' your bone marrow from making good, healthy cells, as it attempts to kill your cancer cells, which are resistant to being killed. And it feels like it. Overall, I just always feel kinda queasy, and have a headache and feel tired all the time. Sorta like death warmed over, pun intended. It seemed like I felt instantly better after they removed the needle today...but I'm thinking it was mental (gotta get it where you can) as I"m still feeling the same way i felt this AM when i woke up with the pump still on.

They (whoever 'they' are) describe chemo as trying to kill cancer cells without actually killing you...altho it sometimes feels like it IS sorta killing you. I'm def already getting sick of all the pills/drugs/etc and am so much looking forward to that day when this f'ing port dealie gets removed from my chest. THATS the day I've finally finished, to me, and I'll be so happy. It's a long ways off, I know, but I've got my eye on it- and am always working towards it.

excited to get thru tomorrow, have a mellow recoup weekend and root for the dawgs on saturday.

happy birthday to you, X 2.

with my immune system being slightly beaten down nowadays, hand washing is a really important part of my routine. I was just informed by my nurse that you are supposed to sing happy birthday to yourself TWO TIMES while you scrub your hands. They say it's the friction, not the soap, that cleans you.
A couple months ago i was never washing my hands, unless i was visiting deuce mcallister, of course (too much info, i know). So, this is a new tidbit of info for me, and maybe all you non-handwashing dudes out there might start celebrating your birthday more often.

another lesson.

Mere met a woman during her spa session who was a recovering Cancer patient...she said to tell me one important lesson: "never get cocky w/ the chemo- right when you think 'i can handle this' it'll knock your ass in the dirt".
Of course I blather on how great I feel in my post last night, to then say goodnight to my Dad and suddenly be hit with heartburn (another side effect), headaches and an overall barfy feeling. Guess that lady was right!

Anyway, took an ambien at 9.30 and slept thru the night, which was great considering there's tubes connected to the pump on the nightstand. Woke up feeling equally craptastic, but I guess that's to be expected. After a shower and some yogurt, berries and tea, I'm feeling a little better. the depressing part is this is only day 2 of 36.

The good news is, tho, pending how I'm feeling, my sessions are always going to be in the afternoon in the future, so I may be able to work half days on tues/weds, and on thurs I just go in to have the pump removed. so, if i'm feeling better (i'm assuming I'll get used to feeling like hurling all the time) I can keep my mind occupied with some work!

Miss you all. cannot wait to see you SE'ers back home for the holidays...working on plane tix this week.

day 1 = doneski.

Day 1 office visit is officially done. It actually was much less horrible than I thought, to be honest. I mean, yes, they shove a needle into the port in your chest, draw blood out of it, then drip highly toxic chemicals into your bloodstream. This we knew would happen, tho. But, the overall experience was much more pleasant than I expected. Nice nurses, a nice corner for me, dad and mere to chill in..

So, I had my first drip of anti-nausea meds, then the oxiliplatin, then the first bolus (fancy doctor word for 'intraveneous shot') of Fu5. After that they then hook you up with your pump that you wear until you go back in tomorrow. Tomorrow I get my last in-office drip of leukovorin and then more Fu5, then another overnight pump, and I only go in thursday to just have the pump removed and the port flushed (they just push thru some saline solution to keep it sterile and clean). unless i dont feel good, i'm only in there 15 mins on thursday. YES. then done for around two weeks.

Now the picture: I know fanny packs are somwhat lame. I mean, totally lame. They are fodder for many a joke amongst some friends (sorry if you're a fanny pack wearer). And LOOK AT ME, I'm sporting one as I type this. it holds this small pump that slowly pumps a ML of toxic junk into my jugular per hour. ugly and uncool. weak sauce.

Anyway, I'm surprisingly feeling good. A slight headache, maybe, but not sick at all yet (knocks on wood). Noticed my fingers tingling under my fingernails walking to the car tonight in the cold, and have a slight tingle in my jaw when I first ate tonight..sort of a tingling pain there and under the tongue, but it seemed to go away as I ate, thank goodness. I know it's only day one, and i'm still currently pumping, but I'm really feeling optimistic considering how "normal" I feel. Was expecting to feel worse already (knocks wood, again). Hoping to wake up feeling just like I do right now.

Pump that jugport.

hello chemo-sabe

Ok, so I realize this Joe Chemo ad is sorta tasteless, but seeing as how friday was mere's one year smoke-free (booya!), I thought it made sense. If you haven't quit, do it. Believe me, you do NOT want cancer.

So, my preaching now done, I'll move on: YAY! it's chemo time! I say that in a sarcastic tone, yet partially am glad it's really time. Like that 5 days between the diagnosis and my surgery, it's hard knowing what's ahead and then having so much time to just sit around and think about it. It's much easier to hear what you have to do and then immediately do it w/out having too much time to analyze how much potential suckage exsists in your future.

I've now been thoroughly prepared as to what to expect via docs, internet, Townzen, etc. I know there will be good days and bad ones, and side effects galore: they're not sure on this, but maybe/hopefully no hair loss; tingling in hands and feet: a.k.a. neuropothy; sores in mouth; nausea; possible sterility; sensitivity to cold (apparently only like room temp drinks, hate cold door nobs, fridges, etc); and maybe some more stuff I'm forgetting. It's not surprising there's so many side effects, tho- I mean if you think about it, the chemicals are intended to wear down and kill resistant cells (cancer) in your body, so along the way there will prob be some killing of good cells, too, as well as other things inside you. Hell, even the drugs to treat the side effects have side effects. The nausea drugs give you headaches and insomnia. So now I have ambien and even stronger anti-nausea drugs. Drugs for drugs....it's genius. No wonder pharma salespeople make bank.

So, there's harsh chemicals pumped thru you every two weeks for three days (tuesday-thursday) and I'm not expecting it to be fun. My treatment plan is called FOLFOX and is a combination of three main drugs: FU5, Lukovrin and oxiliplatin. I most likely just butchered those names, but what do you expect, I work in advertising, not medicine. Who thinks up these drug names, anyway? I'd love that job: 'uhh, yeah, we'll call this stuff "franktavin." Make the logo a stick man hurdling a hospital bed, please.

I've really taken advantage of my 'eat whatever you can' diet as of late, seeing as how I will move onto birdseed and twigs and berries as of tuesday. Well, it's not THAT bad, but I will be going back to my pre-cancer healthy routine, only prob twice as healthy. It's all good, though, I'm frankly getting sick of eating only craptacular fare. I've managed to pack on around 8 or 9 lbs since surgery (a lot for my skinny ass) and am feeling muey peppy and completely back to my old self. I may lose a few of those lbs during the chemo, as i may be on the bulemics diet (barfing), so I've given in and my annual jean acquisition (which usually occurs now) has resulted and buying a size down from normal. On sex and the city (mere makes me watch) they call them their 'skinny jeans'. I'm calling them my 'cancer pants'.

well, in conclusion, I'm feeling really great and am pumped up to get this final leg in the immediate treatment plan underway. I had a great visit w/ India this weekend, and now Dad is here to be moral support for the first sizzle session on tuesday. I'm feeling strong, determined, optimistic, and really really blessed you're all on my team. love to you all.

xoxoxoxo.

Tooting my own horn

One year ago to this day, I quit smoking. I am very proud of myself. In all honesty, I LOVED smoking, and all the moments that I associated with it. But what I love even more is not smoking! I feel so capable and confident in myself, cause if I can quit smoking, I can do just about anything! It's all about setting your
mind to do it. If you want it, you can do it.

I still have the urge and have accepted that I may always have the urge throughout the rest of my life. . . that's how fond I am (was) of smoking. But i won't dare do it, cause I know myself well enough to know I'll get suckered right back in with just one small puff of a cig. Just like Lay's potato chips, I can't have just one.

For anyone who desires to quit. . . it's all about the patch! Call 1800-quitline, a national organization that kicks ass, with support groups and chat lines and information and most importantly, FREE PATCHES! They interview you for 10 minutes and then send you free boxes of patches, as many as you need.

If I could quit, anyone can quit. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.

Hi Biscus!

I did some work in Hawaii in May of 2006, and brought home some seeds of Hibiscus and Birds of Paradise. I planted them right away and have been giving it my green thumb all, but they have been slow to respond to my TLC. Anyway, the hibiscus just so happened to bloom for the first time on Port Day. In fact, it had JUST opened and was gleaming at us when we walked in the door from the hospital. YES!

The bloom fell off the next morning. A quick thrill indeed. It picked a good day to celebrate right along with us. I don't even care if it doesn't bloom again.

Just discovered something cool. . . read my comment to this blog.

So crazy, so sexy

Saw this great documentary on TLC called 'Crazy Sexy Cancer'. This girl in the pic, Kris Carr, finds out she has a rare form of cancer that has 24 slow growing tumors. The whole documentary is about her dealing with having incurable cancer, her trip thru the emotions, her meetings with other young cancer ladies, and her changes to her life as she deals with healing. She really changes her diet a ton, and it actually seems to help her get control of the tumors. Along the way her cameraman becomes her boyfriend, and eventually her husband. The girl is really fun and makes for great host, and it ends up sorta feel good by the end.

For Mere and I, it was a really fitting thing to watch (thanks for the rec, Kristina and Rob Woodworth), and we've had it on our DVR a since the series and finally got around to watching it. I could sympathize and understand so much she had to say, and it's nice for me to have folks to relate to. A good watch if you ever see it on TLC again.

Speaking of which, got to speak with my cousin Townzen last night, and he seems to be doing well, and is 2 sessions into chemo. Sounds as if he's positive and upbeat, and it's great to talk with him and share our experiences. So strange we're going thru this at the same time, and kinda nice he's a few weeks ahead of me so I can call and ask him questions. Gooooo Townz!

BACK!

First day back at work yesterday, and it went great. Today I have no doctor stuff, so will get a "whole" day in there, and am looking forwrd to it. Feels real good to be back in the saddle. Helps make life feel a little more 'normal'.