I want this, but in hospital bed version.

First Wave o' troops

So, some fam arrived yesterday, and I gotta say it's really nice. Mom, Mike, Mere's Mom and Sis (ash) are all here. Dad comes tonight, too. It's a lot of support, and really is great, esp for Mere. Anyway, just wanted to shout out some props to the fam infusion. It really makes you feel better, and kinda cures that immediate feeling of being alone you get when you get really crazy news and realize all your family are 1600 miles away.

The Skinny:

Hi guys,
Writing this I'm suddenly having that feeling like when you do that 'first' dance at your wedding and you kinda look around and realize everyone you love is looking at you. It's a strange mix of adoration for all my favorite people, and also partly that feeling i always have when it's my birthday- i just DON'T love the spotlight.
Anyway, that being said, I'm writing this today and everyday I post pretending no one is reading. Otherwise I may just get shy, and no one wants that, right?

There has just been so much outpouring of love from everyone, and I first just wanna say thanks. It feels really good to be loved, and that's always been my inspiration in life: those I love (you are all what will keep me going thru this). Whether or not I keep in good enough touch with all you, I love you all and think of you very often. I will do my best to call everyone back who's called, but the list is long, so it may take a minute. And, in lieu of trying to email you all back all the time with updates, this just seems easier. If you RSS feed this, it'll just tell you when i post. If you don't know what i'm talking about, then just check back every so often and see how i'm doing.

Ok, so, here's the scoop: I've had stomach pains since sometime in may or june this year. Now, I've always had a craptacular stomach, so this seemed to be about on par with my whole life and how I've always worked. But, I noticed the pains, which only really hit a few times a day, seemed to increase in frequency and pain, especially in the last few weeks. Eventually Mere made me go to a doc (thank goodness for wives) as the pains got to where i just would have to stop what i was doing for 30 seconds or so before it'd let up. I went thru the slew of things w/ my physician (main options being chron's disease or glueten intolerance) to no avail. Then i saw a GI guy and went thru a ton of xrays and blood tests and such, and actually still handn't heard back from him when a bout with the stomach pains just got to be too much and i couldnt sleep and was in major pain and Mere took me to the ER...this was last Monday. There they gave me a Cat scan and saw something irregular in my colon. Something was obstructing it and the pain was from food and such trying to squeeze thru a much smaller space than usual in my colon. Then came the colonoscopy (by the way, the drinking of the stuff is THE WORST, but IS the worst part. I was petrified thinking of having a camera in my ass, but it was painless- read: good drugs- and i HIGHLY encourage anyone w/ history of this in their family to go have this done so you dont end up like me) which showed that i have a tumor in my colon.

I go in to surgery this tuesday at noon. I'll have a decent section of my colon removed, and reattached to my small inestines. And, i have a really good surgeon, so I'm feeling as good as you can about this. There's always the really small chance it's benign, which would rock it so bigtime, but most likely it's malignant (such a small chance of benign that we are not really considering this an option. if it is: BONUS), and I'll then know when it's removed/tested what stage it is and whether I'll need chemo and such afterwards. As I'm writing this, both my GI doc, and my physician who have looked at the Cat scans have said it appears at this point that it hasn not metastasized (spread), which is truly the best news I've heard in a while. I pray this remains the diagnosis. After sugery, I'll be in the hospital for 5-7 days, then will be recovering for another 3 weeks or so at home. Talk about going crazy in a small apt. I'm gonna DEF buy an xbox or ps3 (thoughts anyone?), and feel free to send good dvds. even considered a small electronic drum kit to while away my days in this small room (been playing music w/ some of my buddies here in denver lately- go 9!). I'm gonna keep posting on this to keep in touch with everyone and just because its fun to me. I've been running the blog at work, and i've always wanted my own, so this is the reason i guess to start. after this ordeal i will dedicate it to things i like (this is totally hilarious. check out all the products) and not this cancer crap, altho I now realize for the rest of my life this is part of my identity- I will be a cancer SURVIVOR. I hope i can somehow be a role model for those who have to deal with this in the future.

I love you all and thank you for your support, you mean the world to me. I especially want to thank my wonderful wife Meredith b/c I could not do this without her. She is truly the best and I'm a lucky man to have her by my side. I also thank my lovely family. they are also the best and have just been great and a fantastic support network. as are all you folks. thanks.

Feel free to comment if you guys want on stuff, or not, either way i'm just rambling to hear myself talk, i guess. I promise my posts will be shorter in the future, and more interesting, and less about my ass.

My good buddy Jim Glynn (being the clever copywriter that hs is) has told me this: the one good thing about having some colon removed is at least I'll be less of an asshole. Thank god for humor, people.